True colours

I know who you are,
I know why you are here,
I know what you really are

But I stand here beside you,
Beside you but far away,
Far away so that I remain untouched.

Patiently waiting
for the ball to drop,
True colours to emerge

Till then we wait…


The will to go on

Is it wrong to dream?
Is it wrong to hope?
Is it right to snuff that light?

The courage to stand against the world and dream.
The courage to hope.

So what if they call you a fool??
The first man chipping off the sides of the square wheel must have looked crazy too.

It is exciting to play the game then to sit on the sidelines and watch them play.

Let it shine.
Shine bright.
Toughen up and don’t be snuffed.

Cluttered desk

Here I am, sitting in front of my desk which is cluttered with books, papers, magazines, novels, empty package boxes, cloth hangers( what are they doing here?? Whose are they?!! :O) and a dusty lamp overlooking the mess with its arched head.
Here I am, sitting in front of my cluttered desk, trying to make some sense out of my cluttered life. Right now, at this point in my life, I feel like I am trying to hold water in my cupped hands. That feeling that everything is slowly slipping out of your grip. That feeling that you are a master of none. The gloomy weather, the below par health, the unhealthy state of mind and a monotonous day job. A concoction enough to get you to curl up in bed and just want to stay there.
Earlier during the day, when I was at work, I was in the pantry section, brooding. When I was joined by my colleague with his cup of hot machine coffee. He sat down opposite to me. He seemed happy and content. He flashed a huge smile and I could sense he was excited about something. Looking at him, the dark clouds overhead rumbled, grumbled and had me shivering in the downpour that commenced. He asked me as to what was the matter. I told him that I was unsatisfied work wise. He immediately told me to hunt another job. I told him I was done with the industry itself. That there was no learning involved. That I was neither helping myself nor helping someone. As I was about to journey deeper into my explanation, I looked up at him, only to be met with a pair of frowning brows on a confused face. This guy had no idea what I was fussing about. It just did not make any sense to him. I ended my journey at that and decided to hang up my ballerinas. I arched my mouth upwards into what could be termed as a smile and told him that I was trying to hunt a job elsewhere. He smiled and said that he was happy to hear that. He got up and left. Left me sitting there and wondering.
Here we were, two of us of the same age group doing the same work ( pretty much) but with absolutely contrasting approach towards life. He was hopeful and I was just depressed.
Is it the added responsibilities?? But, I have responsibilities too. The bills, the EMIs, the loans and also a certain lifestyle to upkeep. What is it that is driving him?? If we were in an ancient race. He would be the guy with the chariot saddled up to the horses, looking prim and proper. While I would be still out on the fields trying to hunt down two wild horses.
It still surprises me as to how one person’s shot of boredom is another person’s ray of sunshine. I lean back,  resting my head against the wall. Thinking of what Robert Frost  said in his poem, Two tramps in mud time. I quote,

“My object in living is to unite 
My avocation and my vocation 
As my two eyes make one in sight.”

A tiny smile dangles on as I lean forward resting my elbows on my cluttered desk, for there is a method in this madness.

Respectable me

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. We have always been told to respect our elders. Respect our teachers. Respect the “learned” ones. Respect the aged relatives. But, what if the aged relative’s or the elder person’s thoughts are like the rotten fruits fallen off the great tree. What then?? Do we still respect them?
Respect is defined as “To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem or admire”. The issue with respecting elders is that it functions under the assumption that people mature as they grow older. They become knowledgeable,broad minded, patient, wise, etc. But most people don’t. From nasty kids they grow into nasty adults to nasty old people.
Half the reason I have grown up to be the cynic that I am is because what they teach us as kids is in contrasts with what we see and learn as we start growing up. And I grew up early thanks to the blessed elders around me. Being a scrawny kid with a “boy-cut” and tomboyish tendencies did not do me any good. From a neighbour elder lady showering praises over the other girl for being more womanly and well behaved than me(Pffff!! If only she knew half of it!!) To being overlooked by a “learned” uncle for not being fair enough. I have had my share. Not that childhood was all bad. I have been smothered with love but it was these “Respected” elders who thought me a life’s lesson. They made me stronger, sarcastic and cynical. They made me realise at an early age that everything that people tell is not right. And most importantly, they thought me the importance of self respect. The importance to know your worth and not to let anyone make you hate yourself.
Instead of telling people to respect elders. People should be thought to respect oneself. Automatically you will start respecting others( the ones who deserve it) After all, Respect begets respect.

Hit the pause!


Life has become a mad rush to the finish line. It feels like I am running from one milestone to the next, until I reach the journey’s end.
As you start edging towards the completion of your degree, parents start getting restless. Once the degree is done and you are hunting down a job, trying to make sense of the cruel harsh world. Like, having the door shut on your face or being told that they are looking for people with experience is not enough, parents don’t stop egging you to find a stable(read government) job and at the same time taunting you for being unemployed. Finally you land a job and you think that it is all done. That you finally can rest for awhile. If you thought so, you are so mistaken!!! Even before the first salary weighs into your money-starved account, parents tell you now that you have a job you can settle down. And then the battle ensues as you realise there are no end to these demands. I wanna live my life a little before marriage but they want to finish their “responsibility” as a parent. So I did what most of the  arranged-marriage-phobic person does, applied for a transfer and skipped town. Luckily for me some family issues sprang up and I was let off the hook. So, now I sit in a comfortable position leading a bachelorette’s life and watching every other friend of mine being haunted by the marriage question.
And I cannot stop myself from wondering, why is marriage still such a huge thing? Why cannot I stall marriage  for more number of years and marry when I want to?? At this age and with our population we could definitely use some bachelors.
It is like a bull is charging at me and I am trying to evade it. But, I know sooner or later I will be knocked down. Another one bites the dust…

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