Here I am, sitting in front of my desk which is cluttered with books, papers, magazines, novels, empty package boxes, cloth hangers( what are they doing here?? Whose are they?!! :O) and a dusty lamp overlooking the mess with its arched head.
Here I am, sitting in front of my cluttered desk, trying to make some sense out of my cluttered life. Right now, at this point in my life, I feel like I am trying to hold water in my cupped hands. That feeling that everything is slowly slipping out of your grip. That feeling that you are a master of none. The gloomy weather, the below par health, the unhealthy state of mind and a monotonous day job. A concoction enough to get you to curl up in bed and just want to stay there.
Earlier during the day, when I was at work, I was in the pantry section, brooding. When I was joined by my colleague with his cup of hot machine coffee. He sat down opposite to me. He seemed happy and content. He flashed a huge smile and I could sense he was excited about something. Looking at him, the dark clouds overhead rumbled, grumbled and had me shivering in the downpour that commenced. He asked me as to what was the matter. I told him that I was unsatisfied work wise. He immediately told me to hunt another job. I told him I was done with the industry itself. That there was no learning involved. That I was neither helping myself nor helping someone. As I was about to journey deeper into my explanation, I looked up at him, only to be met with a pair of frowning brows on a confused face. This guy had no idea what I was fussing about. It just did not make any sense to him. I ended my journey at that and decided to hang up my ballerinas. I arched my mouth upwards into what could be termed as a smile and told him that I was trying to hunt a job elsewhere. He smiled and said that he was happy to hear that. He got up and left. Left me sitting there and wondering.
Here we were, two of us of the same age group doing the same work ( pretty much) but with absolutely contrasting approach towards life. He was hopeful and I was just depressed.
Is it the added responsibilities?? But, I have responsibilities too. The bills, the EMIs, the loans and also a certain lifestyle to upkeep. What is it that is driving him?? If we were in an ancient race. He would be the guy with the chariot saddled up to the horses, looking prim and proper. While I would be still out on the fields trying to hunt down two wild horses.
It still surprises me as to how one person’s shot of boredom is another person’s ray of sunshine. I lean back, resting my head against the wall. Thinking of what Robert Frost said in his poem, Two tramps in mud time. I quote,
“My object in living is to unite
My avocation and my vocation
As my two eyes make one in sight.”
A tiny smile dangles on as I lean forward resting my elbows on my cluttered desk, for there is a method in this madness.